I just watched the TED talk of Deeyah Khan, a Norwegian filmmaker, who felt that as a child she had a superpower. She just didn’t know exactly what her superpower was back then.
At only 7 years old (yes 40 years ago), her father said that even with the best education she would still face discrimination as a brown immigrant woman, and the only way to be accepted by white people is to be famous. Now that I know about her, indeed she has made her way.
There was a story about her life that made me almost cry while watching her talk. Growing up as a budding musician, she was not accepted by her own community of Pakistani/Afghani people living in Norway. Parents didn’t want her to set an example for their daughters. A woman musician, to their culture, was equal to a whore.
We know there are many Muslim sects in this world and some of them are more dogmatic than the others. And it is quite a common culture in many parts of Asia, that parents see their children as a vehicle to earn them honor (society’s respect). If you come from Asian Muslim heritage, you are so familiar with the notion that your parents want you stay true to your religion so that they don’t lose their face in the society.
Going back to Deeyah’s story, the pressure from her community was so ugly that she received death threats, even rape threats (this is so sickening). It became so bad that she left for the UK at the age of 17. Still a musician, the threats continued to her family in Norway, too. So she fled to USA, leaving music, trying to start something new. Then she found filmmaking as a way to support young people who are in the same situation as hers.
Her situation is about being torn apart between the two worlds: the country where she was born and be a citizen of, and the community of people from where her parents emigrated. She received racism from white people having the same nationality as hers, yet she also received the rejection from the community where the parents are from.
She also became afraid of brown men with beards. I could really understand her. If growing up she received constant threats from these men, how could she stop perceiving all brown bearded men are the same?
What she did then was tremendous. She decided to make a documentary about terrorists. She wanted to overcome her fear by interviewing these brown breaded men! I want to emphasize this. Yes, you can overcome your fear by going to where it actually comes from! For example, if you’re afraid of strangers, then talk to them, as many of them.
I wish more human beings have the power to overcome one’s fear the way she did it. And it was indeed a wise decision, because what she found in them made her learn about that hidden superpower.
These terrorists, surprisingly, were not monsters as she thought. They were broken people. And all these men actually experienced the same thing as she did! Born and raised in Europe, torn between the white country and their family’s honor. Feeling betrayed and not belonging to anywhere. This psychological condition is the source that terrorist groups tap into. These brown men were asked to reject both their country and their family and guided toward violence to channel their feeling.
The fact that she chose the camera not the gun, the building route not the destruction route, shows her superpower. She had long seen that understanding is the key, because we are all humans. We all have our flaws and virtues, so there is no use to keep having “us vs. them” attitude. There is no use to see the world as “villains and victims” (I am so glad that she actually mentioned the quoted words!).
After all, everything that looks like they’re so opposing each other, can actually be taken together at the same time. She can finally take both worlds instead of trying to pick a side. She emphasized the many years she took to come to such a state, that it must be so difficult for young people to struggle alone in the same situation. They need help to be guided toward embracing both sides instead of rejecting with violence.
Thank you Deeyah Khan for voicing my voice, because I have also learned what you have learned. To overcome my fear by going to where it comes from, and to always try to find a bridge among two opposing things until I can embrace both.
Deeyah has two powerful messages at the end of her talk. One for the parents and the community, and one for the young people. Watch her complete talk “What we don’t know about Europe’s Muslim kids”. Feel her story.
Ladies, do you feel your superpowers now? There’s no need to follow someone else’s dream. Like Deeyah’s father’s dream for her to be a musician. Like the campaign about how cool it is to be a female engineer. Like the society pressure to get married young and produce babies. The list is endless!
Only you know what your heart is calling you for.
