Say there are two schools of opposite knowledge:
- The moon is a ball
- The moon is a coin
We cannot know for now which one is correct. Of course some scientists are researching them because it’s their job a.k.a. they get paid for it. Then there are the people who write books based on the work of these scientists and produce knowledge that’s more easily digestible by common people.
Writer B wrote that the moon is a ball. Writer C wrote that the moon is a coin.
If you contact writer B, “I’ve read the work of scientists that the moon is a coin, so I’d like to discuss with you about that”, how do you think he would react? He might reject your invitation to discussion behind some logical fallacy. However, if you contact writer C, “Hey I saw the moon at night with my own eyes and it’s really a coin”, he would respond positively and continue to talk to you about your personal experience.
I’m not saying that science is always right, or that personal experience is always less valid than scientific research results. It could be that the moon is really a coin.
What I’d like to highlight is that if someone asks you about your work by sharing something that’s opposite of your work, no matter how valid the source is, you would likely hate that person. Why? Because our natural human instinct is to react with prejudice. “This person must intend to destroy my work”, instead of treating the person as purely an inquirer.
Our fear of each other makes us dismiss our healthy inquiry habit. Our low self esteem makes us reject the people who come to you because they think you’re awesome.
What causes low self esteem? It’s the lack of self compassion.
We were born pure with the power to be compassionate, but our parents painted us with many experiences. The common experience that people have is being parented by rules and reward/punishment system.
When the punishment goes too far i.e. big blow for a small mistake, children learn that it’s a big deal to commit that mistake. They grow up thinking that people would always come to them telling how shitty they are.
When the reward is too much, do children learn to be arrogant? I don’t think so. Plentifully-rewarded children grow up to be confident adults. They have personal sovereignty and not afraid of asking what they want. They easily act as a service to others because they prioritize their wellness.
What about entitled adults who complain too much? That’s not the effect of too much reward. Instead it’s the effect of lack of diversity in life. Their parents didn’t expose them to different experiences of life. Some parents deliberately create a specific environment, like rich parents who withhold money from their children so they learn to live within limits.
Children need to understand that mistakes are learning opportunities. They need to understand that successes are not depending on them alone, but others, too, who may have played a role. They need to understand cause and effect. It’s important to understand consequences of our actions so we can make choices. That way, understanding why mistakes happen doesn’t turn into blaming.
What has sent mixed messages to us as children is that the only consequences of our actions are the scolding from our parents or teachers or any other adults with authority. We learned that there are always people who play authority on our life choices who would scold us when they don’t approve our choices.
Our collective human nature is caused by our collective understanding of parenting. It’s not that we can blame our parents. They only did their best. It’s our collective responsibility as adults to overcome that effect.
To heal could be our only purpose in life. It could be the deepest root behind our every action to prosper the world with a variety of knowledge: art, business, health, music, politics, science, technology, etc.
We live in a word of collaboration, not competition. We’re here to build not blame each other. We see differences, opposing forces, polarized opinions, as simply a way to understand cause and effect, and decide on which choice we want to make in order to arrive at the consequences that we can accept.
Always assume the best intention in others and don’t ignore your intuition.
Thank you.
